her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
it's not cheating when I paid for it
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
