Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
