ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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