Don't make out with my wife yet
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Randomize
