bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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