I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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