my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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