Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
