I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
