She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
