Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
