Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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