I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
