Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
