Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
it's like heaven, but drunker
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
