I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
time to smoke my breakfast
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
