I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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