maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
