The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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