yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
