what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
