i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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