They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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