he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize