what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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