The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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