i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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