I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
