escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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