Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
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