I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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