4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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