i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
