we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
