Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
