That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
