You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
