Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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