How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
