apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Randomize
