That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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