If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
