OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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