why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
When did angry sex become our thing?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
