I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
How external is "for external use only"?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Randomize