All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
