i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
