I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
being pregnant is like rehab
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
