i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
