he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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