remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
