i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
BRING THE BAGELS
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
