Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize