is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Randomize
