out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
