Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize