I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
