grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There's always time for handjobs
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Found the puke drawer
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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