Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
