everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
