After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
