dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
