um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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