you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
