Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
