she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
