only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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