Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
