dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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