IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
